So confused...helpless...hurting

over 13 years ago
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volimnjega

10 posts

I have been best friends with a guy for over a year…I am in love with him and I think he has feelings too. But he won’t commit, he says that his life isn’t in order to commit at the moment. But when I talk about finding love, he gets angry and says ugly things to me….it’s like he wants to hold on until he is ready…but that’s not fair to me. Do you see a future between us> My DOB 060170, his 291270 Thank you

over 13 years ago
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Love ❦ Soulmate Expert (psychic_n_healer)

242 posts

i would love to help you. I helped many lovers and show fast accurate results love is one of my best interest contact me now if you want accuracy and want this man. Let me help you today. contact me live.

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blesings
over 13 years ago
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jenny Fardell (garnetta)

185 posts

First, men have a different time scale than women when it comes to making the big commitment. When you talk about finding love, he just sees it as nagging. At the moment he is still immature in his outlook and, like a lot of men, he just wants a fun time and to keep his options open. Also, usually, if a man hasn’t got a focus out with a relationship, he won’t feel comfortable or settled enough to know what he wants from his relationship. Second, you can’t have a relationship unless both people are totally into it, and the more you try to convince him/give him ultimatums or whatever, the more he’ll withdraw. Thirdly, I’m concerned he says ugly things to you. If he’s making you feel bad and placing you in an emotional tangle of feelings and insecurities, then get out of this. You might feel great with him having a good time and being connected. But do these good moments really and truly outweigh how you feel when he says ugly things to you. Could you really and truly spend the rest of your life with this side of the guy? I mean how would this ugliness manifest itself if he did commit to a long term relationship? Everyone has a ‘difficult’ side. Can you see yourself living with his in 30 years time? You need to take control and seriously weigh up the pros and cons being totally honest with yourself even through the heartache. Sorry, my love x

over 13 years ago
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volimnjega

10 posts

Hey Jenny, thank you….you are absolutely right….i just find it hard to let go. I am fine with him being just a friend, but he always takes it a little further, by calling me ten times a day and texting me twenty times a day and seeing me each day. I know i have a tough choice to make…

over 13 years ago
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angela lee (psychicangela)

6 posts

Hi There, i would be happy to look into it for you. please contact me in live chat for a reading to answer your questions. thank you

over 13 years ago
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jenny Fardell (garnetta)

185 posts

It sounds as though he doesn’t know what this relationship is. He texts and calls you because he’s insecure and needs to reassure himself that he’s ‘safe’ and you haven’t run off. What happens if you text and call him? Does he ignore your messages? Do you respond to all of his texts? Do you drop everything you’re doing to answer immediately no matter how inconvenient? If you don’t answer, does he send more texts? It’s like he needs the security of you being at his beck and call, but when you’re together, he feels safe because you’re there, so he behaves how you’d see him in 20yrs time. Does it always leave you feeling good and fulfilled? Or when he leaves after a date do you feel frustrated and disappointed? Are you making all the compromises? If it’s possible, look closely at the relationship with his mother, can you see similarities in how he relates to you? He might still be working out (subconsciously) how to transfer a mother-son relationship to a girl-boyfriend tie. Some things you say and do will rub him up the wrong way if they remind him of his mum… ?? Allow yourself the space to think and maybe talk it over with a rational person you trust. Not everyone because they’ll all have their say and confuse or try to influence you! Hope things work out for the best. x

over 13 years ago
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Anabeth N. Owl (a.n.owl)

2 posts

So far, I see that his jealousy when you start considering your options is genuine. He wants to be the reliable type of person. Perhaps he is afraid of commitment and is letting you down? If you would like me to go into further detail with you in a reading, I’ll be glad to help. Best of luck :)

over 13 years ago
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volimnjega

10 posts

Hi again Jenny, yes I do respond to his texts and calls but he always responds to mine as well…so there are a lot of texts and calls going backwards and forwards!

Regarding his mother, I am not sure, as she lives overseas….he was abandoned by his father at an early age so that could play a part as well.

I just feel like he is messing with my head..I feel that he does have feelings for me…it’s all so confusing….

Thanks A.N Owl for your response as well :)

over 13 years ago
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jenny Fardell (garnetta)

185 posts

Ah, yes. If he suddenly became ‘the man of the house’ when his father left… No matter what age, no matter how sensitively done (though in this case it sounds as if dad just walked out) the child always feels some sort of responsibility or blame and fault for their parent’s actions. And your guys buttons would be pushed quite easily. He’s messing with your head because he doesn’t want to be in that position where everything suddenly landed on his shoulders. He felt, as a child, he was somewhat relied on by mum. I see this in families I work with, where dad isn’t present. They suddenly become the man in the house. Like dads are supposed to be there and mum needs that male presence. Dad has suddenly left them to ‘take over’ that role. So, you either need to break it off completely with him if he’s putting you in a bad place. Or talk to him about this (he might not realise himself, that this has affected how he behaves with you) and BOTH of you work on it to get to a better place. If he isn’t prepared to work with you, then it’s your decision what to do. If he is prepared to work on it (and I mean, he’s an adult and NOT your responsibility. He has to pull his weight and be mature and accepting of your help and work with you on this) you could see how it is in, say, three months time. You might need to give him a bit of time to accept what you’re saying, and accept he might be defensive at first. At least it’s something practical you might be able to do to assess and evaluate by seeing how he responds and if he’s prepared to accept what you’re saying. A good test to see if he really has got the motivation to be with you….. ?

over 13 years ago
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volimnjega

10 posts

Hi again Jenny, You are so helpful and it is such a pleasure reading your responses!

You are probably right in everything you are saying.

I have spoken to him many times about how I feel, but he always gets defensive….the thing is as I said I am happy being his friend…but he always takes it that much further where I feel that he wants the whole deal…support, love, sex without having to call me his girlfriend. Well it doesn’t work like that does it? And everyone always assumes we are a couple as we are together all of the time. I guess the wisest thing I could do, is pull away…ultimately men love the chase…so if he does have feeling he will come running, and if not…well at least I will know….

over 13 years ago
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Art (smartadvice)

100 posts

well, good to see that you arrived at a conclusion for your conundrums. wish you all the best. if you need further help, please feel free to contact one of us psychics personally and we will try to help you with deeper insights. art from belgium

over 13 years ago
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volimnjega

10 posts

Hi Art, It’s very confusing, as some psychics have told me that he is suffering negative energy, and that the period of negativity will soon be over, and that he will be different when the period is over and that we are destined to be together. I’ve been advised to pull away and keep in random contact, then when his bad period is over…we will connect and have a happy relationship. It just gets confusing when I am given conflicting information by various psychics. Do you feel that he does have feelings for me or not? Thanks….

over 13 years ago
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Wisdom7 (psychic_power)

107 posts

Hello Volimnjega,

Am got well connected to your currect issue and would you like to meet me on line for finding out whats kept in your cards. You can count me an honest carring and helpful reader and i can show you the right path in life which you deserve.

God bless

over 13 years ago
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jenny Fardell (garnetta)

185 posts

Hi, I’m happy you find my responses helpful. I think it’s a bit of a myth that men like the chase. They’re more likely to sulk and call you frigid and cold and blame you for sulking. Basically women can’t win no matter what we do! Lol! It doesn’t seem fair, or equal relationship, if you feel you’re giving everything and he doesn’t see that commitment. What I’d be asking myself here is, sorry to be personal, – do I want sex with other men who I’m friends with? I think what I’m saying is that if this is a ‘just friends’ relationship then you wouldn’t be wanting and having sex? Maybe some friends do have sex for the fun of it and I’m living in the dark-age!! If you’ve had sex with this guy, and shared your heart with him, because you felt it might draw him nearer to commitment, then you’ve put yourself in a vulnerable place. Whilst I don’t think you should cut him off totally I think that the more you give, the more he’ll think he can take without committing to you. How much of your life have you put ‘on hold’ for this guy? If you have a healthy, happy social life which you’ll still enjoy even without him, then that’s healthy. If you’re putting aside your own interests/friends/family for the sake of being with him, then that’s not such a good thing. It would be too difficult to cut him off pronto , when he means so much to you. Maybe start by trying to put him second. Maybe you need to start thinking about yourself and what you’d be left with if he suddenly decided to dump you (not that he will because he has everything here without having to try very hard!) I think you have to be a bit clever here and show him somehow what it feels like instead of talking (which he’ll see as nagging). If, for instance, you can make him wait. Make sure you’re busy when he calls…go out with a friend instead of him… Don’t treat him coldly, but start making him see he isn’t the absolute everything in your life. Some situation where if he questions your sudden spurt of independence from him you can say – Oh, sorry, I thought we were just friends and it wasn’t that important? OR even half jokingly – I’m not doing that, we’re just friends…! You need to be clever about showing him where he’s coming from and turn the tables, so to speak. Not in a nasty, cunning, cold way, but just like a prod and gentle reminder that you deserve some respect and commitment from him. I hope I’m making sense here. I’m afraid he’ll just feel in a bad, negative, place when you talk about where the relationship is going and the more you insist, the more he’ll withdraw. So in the end, you’ll be the cause of what you fear will happen – the big break up. And, again, you need to think about whether you want to be carrying this guy around for the rest of your life. You could, as I think I’ve suggested, give yourself a few weeks/months to try and turn this round with a big re-think about yourself and taking control instead of giving so much and expecting to be fulfilled by his eventual commitment. And after that time period, because you’ve given yourself time to become a bit stronger and independent from him, it will be easier to make the big break if he’s still not committing????

over 13 years ago
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volimnjega

10 posts

Hi again Jenny, Yes you are absolutely right…I don’t put him first, I still have a lot of friends whom I go out with, but he doesn’t like it when I go out with them (confirming my theory that he doesn’t want to commit, but then again he doesn’t want to see me with anyone else either). I agree with your idea of pulling away slowly. The unfortunate thing is, I do want him in my life, even as a friend, but what I feel for him just hurts me at the end of the day, as I feel that having the constant contact with him makes my feelings grow stronger. YOu are right, time away will make the big break much easier. You are truly such a great help…thank you. xxx

over 13 years ago
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jenny Fardell (garnetta)

185 posts

You’re very welcome. Be strong in your decisions and lots of luck. I;m sure, one day, you’ll have the love and commitment you deserve to have. Big hug, xox

over 13 years ago
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volimnjega

10 posts

Thank you to everyone who answered my post.

Just an update, I have definitely finished with him…..he wanted me to do something I wasn’t comfortable in doing…so he called me a retard and told me f@@k off. At least I now know that I was only good for him whilst I was doing what I wanted. Now I know not to expect anything from him and move on.

over 13 years ago
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jenny Fardell (garnetta)

185 posts

Well done for sticking to your principles. He had no right to throw such horrible words at you. You deserve better. And any man who truly loves you would respect your comfort zones and nurture them rather than pushing you for his own selfish reasons. I hope you find the real love which you deserve. Maybe someone has been watching you on the sidelines, watching what has been going on… I don’t know why I suddenly thought this. Maybe wishful thinking for you…? Anyway, good luck and a big hug :)

over 13 years ago
volimnjega didn't upload a photo

volimnjega

10 posts

Just wanted to update everyone that is has been a week, and I have been so strong and have not contacted him….

One of the psychics on this forum told me that he is the one….but I don’t think so….I have no intention of contacting him as I believe I deserve an apology for his terrible behaviour towards me, and I could never be with a person who can be so easily verbally abusive.

Hugs to everyone….

over 13 years ago

ok, i could so be out of the ball park with this one, but I have a feeling that there is something mother about you, that keeps him close, even though you want to pull away, something is still drawing him in. Like i said i could totally be out of the ball park but thats what I get

over 13 years ago
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jenny Fardell (garnetta)

185 posts

If he’s just looking to be mothered and he’s behaving like a child, sulking and using abusive language, when he doesn’t get his own way, then he needs his apron strings cutting severely!! Stay strong Volimnjega. You’ll be in a better place and feel the benefits of where this break has put you emotionally. Keep going! Hug x

over 13 years ago
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volimnjega

10 posts

Thanks Karen and Jenny. It’s just so hard sometimes, as despite everything, I miss him and his company….but in saying that realise that whilst he behaves this way, I don’t want to be around him as I don’t deserve that type of treatment. xxxx

over 13 years ago

hello, I’d be happy to help you find answers. please feel free to come in chat for honest answers as what is best for you

take care

over 13 years ago
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Angel Of Love (angel777)

12 posts

wow you have a lot of replys…well i know why he will not commit and it not becouse he’s not ready there a real reison but i think you should be in a live chat and talk in priviet