Sorting out relationship problems --> Is there really a problem?

over 5 years ago
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Alex Zielinski (ahighervibration)

12 posts

How many times have your heard or shared advice like this?

“If you’re questioning the relationship, something is wrong.”

“The fact that you’re questioning it says a lot about your relationship.”

In general, this statement on its own isn’t very helpful when you don’t know the people or the situation. If you haven’t considered all three sources you might want to stop and take a breath.

1. YOUR PARTNEr: They might actually be a terrible person or they might actually be doing sneaky and suspicious things. It could actually be true, and it’s not just your jealous friend trying to make your life miserable when he/she says this to you.

2. YOUR FRIENDS: No matter how close your friends and family are they’re still only seeing your world and your situation through their eyes. Every piece of advice is colored with this perspective and their unique life experience. “Truth is in the eye of the beholder” – basically, however you view the realities, however you perceive it, it’s true, and this doesn’t make it true for everyone. Be comfortable telling your friends to shut up if needed.

2. YOU: Because of your past you have become an expert detective, your an exceptional critic and you KNOW there’s something going on. I completely appreciate and understand how crappy people in the past have helped us build walls and defense mechanisms around us today. However, is their truly something going on? Or, are we projecting our worries and fears into a situation where absolutely nothing terrible, tragic, or negative exists? This takes a little more work to uncover, but always ask yourself “where does this thought I have come from.”

Once you figure out where it comes from you can ask yourself “why does this make me feel this way?” You truly begin to understand what’s happening, you begin to understand the truth, YOUR truth.

If things are crappy, it might be the situation, it might be what other people say about the situation, it might be you, or it might be all three. Most of the time when people offer these simple statements to you – “if your relationship were perfect you wouldn’t be questioning it” – they really are supportive people, they have a perspective and point of view, they just don’t have the same one you do.

So In any of these situations remember this: no matter what someone else says, you are lovable, you are loved, and the world is a brighter place with you here.

-Alex