my sons dad

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My sons dad and I just started back conversing. Literally its more like a hi and bye test. Before I couldn’t even get him to answer the phone, and now hes back to ignoring me again. Should I walk away or wait on things to change, between us. Im getting fed up. He hasn’t seen my son in almost 2months and I think he wants to be around but something is holding him back.

Hello dear I see many things referencing to you, your son, and his dad? Please message me for details.

devinefate,do u you email readings?I know its not your fault but my computer is down and im on my cell phone. Or do you do phone readings?

Hello dear, I do email reading from Bitwine & direct chat also. I see a lot coming your way you need to be aware of a lot of things won’t be easy but soon enough they will all get better. I see big change in your life.

I think this dad will probably take on responsibilities of being there for his son when he realises that that is all you expect of him. At the moment I feel he is torn between his role as a dad, and the added pressure and expectations you have for him to be a committed partner. Perhaps he was having second thoughts about committing to you in a relationship, and the baby pushed him over the edge. I am not excusing him. He is the baby’s father and needs to appreciate that and not leave you to cope on your own. You need to step back from him. His, and your sons, relationship as son and dad is what is important first. I suggest you ask a trusted friend to take the baby to meet his dad on neutral territory – cafe or park – for a couple of times. Then dad will not feel threatened and scared off. Google Rori Raye and Christian Carter and have a read of their stuff.

PS The more you believe in the evil things people say or do, the more you start trusting in them. When you are in a vulnerable, insecure, position, it is easier to believe and trust in the evil things around you. It is easier for them to get hold of you and suck you into negativity. Hold onto things which are beautiful and reflect your inner spirit. If you are feeling down and bad and scared phone someone immediately. Don’t be alone with it. Get yourself out and about with your baby. I met most of my friends at mother and toddler/play centre/swimming groups. Invite people round for coffee, they will bring good energy into your home. Hope this helps.

pps. Sorry, things keep popping into my head, but I won’t post any more I’m off to work after this one!! Your son’s dad is insecure because you are. And you are transferring your insecurities to him so he doesn’t feel as if he is capable of stepping up to his responsibilities. Yes, you can express your feelings to him and be honest, but NOT so he feels responsible for your emotions. For instance you can say you think he might not be able to build a relationship with his son if he doesn’t see him, he’s missing out on bringing him up, and that makes you feel sad and scared. BUT tell him at the same time that no matter what he decides, you are not going to spoil your child’s life by allowing inconsistent behaviour patterns unsettle him right from the start. If he wants to see the baby and have contact, then you want to know how he’s going to work with you to fix days and times of contact. You need to show this dad that you are in control. It isn’t about you, it’s about the baby, and that you know what you feel, why you feel it, that those feelings are because he hurt you and you’re not happy with that but are not pressurising him, and that you expect him to put the baby first. It’s a lot to ask and if you can’t tell him this in a clear objective, non blaming or threatening or accusatory way, then write it down. I would write it down anyway because if he starts being difficult about contact you’ll need the record for a lawyer… But this is early days and I’m sure you’ll be able to work together. You need to work out what you want, and make it clear to him. Then ask him if he agrees your baby is the most important thing and does he think he can work with you to at least support the baby even if he can’t take you on board as well…. x

Thanx a million, advisors id say that you really help out, especially in a time when im flustered and down. Literally im still learning day by day and trying hardest to be steadfast. Im filled with tons of emotions, and yet I blame myself sometimes for my son not having a father around. I do t know why. Garnetta, I will take the advice and Google those names, and what’s funny is that I’ve been fed tons of negativity and before the baby I was always on the go, everyone called me, to hangout and now that the baby is here, I love him dearly but when I get down and feel negative im by myself. I cry, I get upset, and just think about how my sons father has hurt me, and used me. Somewhat played with my emotions is the way I feel. Like a fool. I just want things to be back on good terms, I want my son to have a father around and I wanna be happy again. I think what hurts me other than him cheating is the fact that he has a older son with someone else, she has another kid with someone else as well and my sons father shows favortism and do for his first born son and his mom and I cant even get him to drop off a pair of socks for my son or answer the phone. He says e doesn’t get along with her, but he climbs mountains or when she says jump he says how hi. I dont get it, but i will try and reach out to you advisors when i can and try to clear my mind i truly appreciate the response. Thanks

First, this other mum has probably got some sort of ‘hold’ over the father. He has to ‘jump’ when she tells him because of legal or other ‘contract’. I know a lot of men in similar situations. I think he’d much rather be out of both ‘messes’ he’s got everyone into. He is, however, if he’s named as the father on the baby’s birth certificate, obliged to pay maintenance and you can go to the CAB who will advise you on what you are actually entitled to in terms of contact between father and son and maintenance. Emotionally, you are grieving and that’s a natural response to feeling as if you’ve lost someone. But you are also grieving for yourself. Remembering good times, and the unfairness and anger of how things have turned out, because it wasn’t your choice to be used like this. You are worthy of better things, my dear, believe that. Believe in yourself. If it helps, write down all the things you enjoyed about yourself before you had a baby and your relationship. (This exercise is about YOU and not about him or the baby. What made YOU happy and feel like life was worth living? – don’t include relationships in this. We want to get you to a state of thinking about where you are coming from, your goals, achievements…build yourself up and take pleasure and pride in what you are, what you want out of life, and what you want for your baby. Hold your head up high. You are worth everything to your baby and yourself and you deserve better things. Especially a new circle of friends if that’s how they treat you. I think they are just too young and inexperienced to realise what you are going through. You’ve ‘grown up’ now in their eyes and they are just naively ignorant. They don’t mean to hurt you. You need to network other areas and believe me, you’ll find lots of support and friends by accessing mum and baby groups. Church, even if you aren’t religious or a church goer, is a great starting place and should be totally non-judgemental.

thanks again for the kind advice, i really appreciate it

hey Rikai, im lea, im picking up the road with your sons father is at a very bad stage right now and as you said there is somthing holding him back you are 100% Correct, there is a family member holding him back along with a female friend, are you aware thats hes been getting close to this female?

Your best plan of action is step back and not force it. Whatever is going on with the father let him deal with your main concern should be you and your son. The truth will come out and that guy will start to see things as they really are if you stay calm and together that will appeal to him don’t give him a reason to stay away. Be patient and get on with life the tortoise always wins the race.