i dont know what to believe

over 13 years ago

i have been with my man for 5 years but he keeps putting of marriage/children ,my dob 25/11/74 his 18/05/72… .now 1 miniute hes saying lets get married! then lets have a baby,next day hes changing his mind..now i am 36 yr old and the clock for a baby isnt on my side,i do love him so much …i feel lost and dont know what way to turn..do i stay or do i go???? so messed up lady.

over 13 years ago
visionsbysabrina's photo

VisionsBySabrina (visionsbysabrina)

27 posts

pls contact me irene sorry no one has responded im here if u need me

Sabrina

over 13 years ago
garnetta didn't upload a photo

jenny Fardell (garnetta)

185 posts

Sounds like this guy needs to grow up a bit. He says he wants to get married to keep you happy and in the relationship, but he pulls away because he isn’t ready to commit. Men have a different time scale than women. He’s happy and comfortable, so he’s puzzled as to what difference a marriage will make. Maybe he feels it’s too much talking about marriage and babies all at the same time. How do you both feel about having a baby, without the marriage bit? I know your body clock is ticking, and people say you’re still young enough. But you are right to be anxious. If you start trying to have a baby and find you can’t, then it’s a long hard waiting game through fertility treatment and then adoption… What I suggest you do is tell your partner never mind about the marriage, but you would like a baby. (As long as you reassure him you aren’t going to use the baby to emotionally blackmail him into marriage!). Explain the difficulties of fertility and that it could, seriously, take you another five or so years if you are infertile. Tell him you are thinking about taking a couple of tests to check that you’re ovulating and that this doesn’t mean you are bullying him but that you want to make sure you are fertile. And tell him, gently, that if he doesn’t think he wants to start a family with you in the next couple of years does he think he wants to still be with you? What you are doing is stating where you stand, but at the same time being careful not to bully or harangue him into making a bad decision just to keep the relationship going. You are effectively giving him an opt out, whilst saying you will opt out if the relationship isn’t going anywhere. But doing it in a way that shows you are not emotionally distraught, begging him, or giving ultimatums. You are in control. I hope you see what I mean, and I hope things work out whatever the outcome. Good luck.