Cant figure it out

over 13 years ago

Can someone please shed some light on my dilemma? My bf and i have been together just over a year. i recently told him about something that has been causing me pain in the relationship for about 7 mos and I had to confess something that was shameful in order to get to the subject that i needed to address. I am a person of high moral values and refuse to be disrespected in any fashion by anyone. i love him dearly and he says he loves me but is not willing to make a permanent commitment. does he love and respect me enough to make me want to stay in this relationship or is it one sided and am i headed for a heartbreak? I need to know what his heart is feeling before i go any further. is there anyone out there that can help me read this situation to better guide me in the direction i need to go. i’m in severe emotional pain and need some guidance. I have prayed that the Lord show me the way in which He desires me to go but I need support now. please help. my (bernice)dob is 12.11.67 and his (keith) is 11.2.63 Thank You!

over 13 years ago
anthony_masterpsychic didn't upload a photo

anthony (anthony_masterpsychic)

62 posts

sweetie i would love to help you with this iff you would like please join me in my chat (:

over 13 years ago
garnetta didn't upload a photo

jenny Fardell (garnetta)

185 posts

How did he react when you told him what had been causing you pain. You did the right thing to tell him what you aren’t comfortable with in the relationship. If he really loves you, he would respect you and accept your moral standards. If he didn’t find your standards compatible with his own, then he should tell you and move on. However, it sounds as if he’s still sticking around, even if he isn’t wanting to make a commitment. Men have different time scales when it comes to committing to a relationship. I’m glad you are seeing it, even if it might hurt, that he has to respect you enough for you to want to stay with him…. It is important that you aren’t making all the compromises or making yourself unhappy by losing your independence. I feel that you can tell how his heart feels by his reaction to how he dealt with your pain and the shame you felt. (If, indeed, you did tell him how painful and ashamed you felt talking about it) I’m sure you have far less things to be ashamed of than a lot of people and you are blowing it out of proportion with your high moral values. We are all human, and God recognises this more than anyone. Please please don’t carry guilt around with you, it spoils the fun and happiness you deserve. And all relationships need a bit of give and take. You can do this if you’ve been clear from the outset where you’re morals lie and if you are firm and steadfast about how far things go. Not all men take a yard when they’re given a foot! You have to be in control and there are ways of doing this without coming across as being a ‘cold fish’. I hope this goes someway to helping you. Good luck. x

over 13 years ago

Thank you jenny. that was well said. You nailed it exactly. He was angry about me looking in his email but i think is trying to understand how i feel. I do feel ashamed that i broke his trust in me and invaded his personal space but i want to get off the “treadmill” of feeling hurt (this stems from emails that he had with a girl when we were together for 5 mos that I stumbled upon) and doing the wrong thing to try and relieve my pain and feeling worse for invading his personal space and doing it all over again day after day and I want it to stop but i cant help feeling cheated on emotionally when he looks at pornographic material or inquires about whether other girls are “hot” to his friends. I know he’s not cheating in the physical sense but if I’m going to be with him I want to be the ONLY one regardless. I will always be true to myself no matter what but i love him and respect him more than i’ve ever loved anyone and i just want him to be in sync with that and return it to me. I want to be with him forever but not sure thats what he wants. If it is, he either doesn’t know it yet or is still gun shy from his past decisions that were in haste. Im willing to wait for it to unfold in due time but i’m not willing to stay if all I am to him is a convenient partner that isnt going to be taken seriously by his stupid friends or ever be given the commitment that i deserve at some point. . Let me know if you “see” anything for us that would give me a sign of hope. Thanks again for taking the time to reply to me. It helps. :0)

over 13 years ago
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VisionsBySabrina (visionsbysabrina)

27 posts

I know you say his name is keith but im hearing KEN each time i read your post..also picking up something about education and teaching regarding one of you…I would love to help you…pls contact me live for a reading, read reviews and Bio first, I feel i can help u. Sabrina

over 13 years ago
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lilly (mystic.moon)

59 posts

hi i can help you see and understand all

over 13 years ago

To Sabrina. thats funny you say that as my ex-husband of 22 yrs is Ken and I was a substitute teacher before i had to take a job for more pay but worked in the school system for many years in different capacities. Ken and I remain close as we have 2 children together and he’s been helping me deal with my situation.

over 13 years ago
destinyseeker didn't upload a photo

ME (destinyseeker)

104 posts

I think that’s a great thing, when you split up with a partner, but yet still maintain that close relationship, especially for the kids! It sets them an example also. Sabrina seems to have picked up clearly there.

over 13 years ago

I know that this breakup was probably for the best but i wish it didnt hurt so much. Wonder if my Mr Right will ever show up…...doesnt look like it at this juncture but God is in control, not me!

over 13 years ago

any thoughts?

over 13 years ago
layla.starr didn't upload a photo

star lovers guide (layla.starr)

56 posts

bernice i feel he just not ready to make a comitment to you at this time i fell ther is some toying with his mind it is something from his past he truly love you from his hart but ther is something els winding him up so tight connect with me in live chat so i may reveal total vibes from him love hold pic of him when in live chat with me

over 13 years ago
garnetta didn't upload a photo

jenny Fardell (garnetta)

185 posts

Hi sorry have just seen your mail. It was posted 4 days ago and only just seems to have come up! OK. I am not surprised you invaded his personal space. You stumbled on emails he’d been sending another girl. I’m not surprised he’s angry. You’ve blown his cover. A lot of men supplement their relationships with porn. If you feel uncomfortable with that, then you are right. Your self respect is what matters. And never mind you respecting him, my dear. Yes, you did a wrong thing reading his emails, but he equally needs to respect where you’re coming from if he wants to pull his weight in this relationship. You say he is trying to understand how you feel. He probably is a genuine kind of guy. But he should have been honest and upfront with you in the first place. The fact he wasn’t makes it look and feel ‘seedy’, and disrespectful to your relationship. The fact that he is angry is not because you looked in his emails as much as he feels he’s been found out. You have admitted your fault to him, what the issue now is, is he going to have more email correspondence with other women? The porn issue…well, it depends what you’re comfortable with. As I believe, many men still have fantasies and read porn mags even in long standing relationships. And you have to work out if this is just a normal male thing – when he’s with his mates just being male – or if he’s doing it infront of you to make you feel insecure by comparing you against other women. But if you aren’t comfortable with any of it no matter how or where he does it, you just aren’t. And you shouldn’t compromise your feeling of self-respect. I think you need to tell him this… and ask him to be honest with you and say whether he really wants to row a little bit harder. Make it clear you aren’t pushing for an engagement ring and white wedding. Make it clear your feet are on the ground and you know what you want. Is he prepared to come a little further on commitment-wise with you? In your head, you could even think about a time limit. For instance, if he says he’s going to pull along with you, if you haven’t seen what you’d expect in three months, then end it. I’m saying give yourself, not him, the ultimatum because you are the mature one in this and need to be in control so you are making the decisions which will be less hurtful for you if it doesn’t work out. I hope I make sense. I wish you all the best. x

over 13 years ago
spiritualhobo's photo

THE SPIRITUAL HOBO (spiritualhobo)

11 posts

He will fail. You have exposed a part of his character that he does not intend to change. Forgive yourself and then close the door. Your wasting time.

over 13 years ago

I agree with you Ed. He refuses to acknowledge any wrong doing and doesnt want to make me the only woman in the relationship. he needs to have his ego stroked by others but when i do it he resists it. its strange, cant figure him out. its almost like he has multiple personalities. He wants to chase the skanks but tosses the good girls who want to give him a good life aside. I dont understand this mentality except to say that he has low self esteem because its almost like the women who stay with men who abuse them and dont want a nice guy. i think it b/c they think thats what they deserve.