Unsure

over 12 years ago

Ok, I have been with this guy for a year and a half. I have one son with him. Anyways, he have lied bout something in the past and I just dont feel like I can trust him anymore. We fight very often but I love him and dont want to leave because of my son. I have doubts about us sometimes and wonder if I would be better off without him. Should I trust him, and stay with him?

over 12 years ago
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Debbie (angel90)

399 posts

I would recommend couples councelling if the relationship is to work and at present it isn’t. When there isn’t trust it affects things and their will be fights and tension. Both you and he need to work through this together and couples councelling should get things back on track. The question here is what do you want in your heart put aside your son for the moment if your not happy your son will be picking up on this and thats not good. If you do still want to be with your partner then this is something to seriously consider.

over 12 years ago
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Tiffany (openmind)

4 posts

Lets list the facts Your feelings are not a reason to stay with someone their behavior is and whether or not they have shown the same amount of respect and commitment to you. As I have written before on here you have to focus on you right now so that you can focus on your son and his needs- taking care of the two of you. It is not a matter of: should you trust him. It seems to me that, that you are already in doubt. He has done something to make you question his character , his feeling towards you and the validity of your relationship.

So let’s work from where you’re at now. First things first you have to confront you emotions head on about how you really feel about the relationship “ignoring your usual “padded” self-talk ( well I love him and he is the father of my son ). When something is out of order you shouldn’t just ignore it. Something happened in your relationship that lead to it feeling uncomfortable and out of order; or you wouldn’t be asking the questions you are.

You love your son and you may have feelings for his dad but at the end of the day if you’re going to make sacrifices you should make ones that will elevate your standard of living and make you more available to be a mother and to feel good in your skin again.

If you’re with someone you can’t trust communicate with- with a kid in the middle of it all NO ONE is winning and the biggest loser is your son…and you. There are certain things that happen between a couple that may not be able to be fully repaired or it may take time with one of the people being separate from the other for a while until the lost security and trust is restored. I don’t know what he lied about but whenever we are lied to as people in your situation as a mother it is crushing and shakes the foundation of any relationship. You have questions and doubts and aren’t sure where to go from here.

Confront you partner ( if you can) share your feelings and ask them to honesty say how they feel about what you have told them and if they truly see a future with you. ( sometimes in this type of situation the other may respond with a ( ideallic ) answer not with how they truly feel i.e They may reason to stay with you because of the child BUT know they really nolonger feel the same way they use to about you. Because there is a chance of this happening over all I would suggest you pull back take time off from trying to process the relationship is he lying again about this or that should I trust him can I take the fighting ect

And turn within and focus on you and your son. Block out trying to control the situation or deny your intution and true feelings because you think its( best or for love). Accpet Confront Deal with Move On ( in your way at a time that is safe bit healthy for all involved )

Love doesn’t mean the relationship is going to work out Love doesn’t mean he still feels the same way about you because you say you love him doesn’t mean you aren’t missing out on life and other opportunities of a potienal partner who you can feel comfortable with who won’t lie to you try to manipulate you get on over on you. You had a kid with him ( fact) you don’t have to spend rest of your life with him esp if the relationship is unhealthy for you or not a right fit. Sometimes we find theses things out after a kid, or months or years into the relationship. you shouldn’t stay in a relationship you feel isn’t right or comfortable). The trick is NOT STAYING there NOT staying stuck ) fact – you can’t control how you feel right now and have a right to feel the way you ( fact) . In effect it will be unhealthy for your son.

Every relationship should have standards Boundaries. I.E. You have to have to have limitations. It seems like your taking on more than you want ,can and feel comfortable with so you should take time off from the relationship see how he reacts ( if he finds some else right away if he still acts like he is interested calls comes to see the baby ). Right now with both of you FORCING a relationship on each other its only going to push you further apart.

over 12 years ago
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Heart Divine (heartdivine)

67 posts

You said yourself – you feel you cannot trust him anymore. You already gave an answer to everyone here. :)

If there is no trust there will be no love – there will always be problems if you force it. It becomes an obligation and not love and that is a different story already.