can being friends lead to more?

6 posts, 4 voices

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i’m 29 (bday is 2-6-82) and i recently dated a 23 yr old (3-28-88). We hit it off great and ended up booking a trip to panama for 2 weeks. I knew he was not ready for a serious commitment but i wasn’t so concerned about it until i returned home from the trip. I had really fallen for him and felt a great connection. Due to my insecurity, I started to pick fights constantly and I felt like he ws pushing me away (he was, i think i was coming on too strong). I know he cares bout me and wants to continue to be friends but I cna’t handle it. I lose my mind, think he is going after my friends and that any girl he talks to he wants to date. I alays had trust issues but i think this situation is makign me worse. I do love him and can see it leading to more but not sure how to proceed. any advice?

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i’m not working right now so $10 seems alot. can you tell me something to prove it is worth it?

I feel you are worried too much. You need to let go. If you continue this path (i.e. your present status) you will only push him away. he will freak out if he feels your desperation. I do see an opportunity for you to be together if everything starts from lighthearted dating.

You are right – i watch him freak out. I usually hold my emotions in and one night I just exploded. His response to me was “this is why i can’t commit” Seeing that side of my personality scared him. The only problem is that now so much has happened that I don’t think lighthearted dating is possible. Maybe after some time passes it can happen again? I know he really loves my company and values me as a friend.

I think the best thing for you right now is to take a break from this relationship. Until you are comfortable with yourself and the person your with their isn’t going to be any peace within yourself and there will continue to be discomfort with the relationship. We usually run from negative emotions and run from our intuition when it reveals something that is going to hurt us or cause us emotional pain BUT you should always embrace what your feeling and allow yourself to feel the fear insecurity and let go from trying to CONTROL the situation. If you see him or think he flirts with girls LET HIM and- back up and cut yourself off from a situation that is causing you to feeling like you’re on a unstable emotional rollercoaster. You don’t have to be you can stop this at any time. LET GO of the idea that he “belongs to you”. People decide who they want to commit themselves to and who they don’t. That isn’t something you can control nor how he feels.

So respect how he feels and back up show you have love for yourself by telling yourself” Its ok if am by myself right now” and “Its ok if he doesn’t want to be with me or just be frineds”.

Everything should never rest and depend on anothers affections. People are unpredictable by nature. Fall inlove with yourself and find a guy is in love with you and you won’t have to worry. He will confirm it by his words and actions. You won’t “have to “ jump through hoops.