Pretend Relationships~Part 2

over 11 years ago
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MsLisaM (ms_lisa_m)

2 posts

The last one is a doozy, eh? But think about it. Do you know why you tolerate poor behavior? Guilt. You feel guilty because you’ve suppressed what you have really wanted to say, do, or act to coast through a pretend relationship. So when you’re treated poorly your spirit knows it’s not YOU they are treating poorly, it’s your PRETEND SELF. But because you’ve played this part for so long you accommodate a lot of piss poor treatment rather than expose yourself. It’s not too late. It’s never too late to be authentic. It’s never too late to say, “Okay, enough…no more!” And it’s true when they say, “The truth will set you free”. There’s no shame in speaking up, and when they point out how this never bothered you before, you expressing your truth and saying, “yeah, well, yes it did, I just didn’t say anything because I was afraid to, but ya know what? I’m not anymore!” This applies not just to lovers, but to friends, family, even your children. We hide something about ourselves from everyone because sometimes it’s just easier than expressing the truth. I understand why it’s done, I’m guilty of it myself…but no more!

My philosophy is this, and it’s my new mantra….I’d rather be authentic, warts and all, than play a pretend part so I’m liked, loved, accepted, appreciated or validated. I can give all those feelings to myself. I need not get it from anyone on the outside if I have to pretend to be something I’m not to get that. If being me destroys my relationship with you, then so be it. For I’d rather have a REAL relationship rather than a fake one. I’d rather surround myself with authentic people instead of phoney people.

There are three basic things we need in a relationship with anyone for it to evolve, and move forward and stay course: 1. TRUST 2. RESPECT 3. APPRECIATION

Without those three things, you will walk a line of confusion in that relationship. You will always question someone’s word. You will always feel insecure about where you stand. You will always wonder if what they offer is going to last. It causes too much uncomfortable feelings, and that’s not going to help a relationship.

Secrets can and will destroy any relationship or friendship. Without fail. The truth always comes out. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but in time, it will eventually seep through and destroy the house you’ve built and rip off your mask exposing what a fraud you’ve been. It’s happened to many of you. When the mask was ripped off of someone you dated and they’ve been exposed, it’s always like a mac truck hitting you. So why risk that happening to you? What is the point? Why put yourself through all of that. Be yourself. Be authentic. If they walk away, they would walk away eventually once your true self is exposed. And, trust me, they will be angry when it happens.

Take a look at your best friend. He/She knows all your secrets. They know what you really think. You get on the phone with this person and you complain, “I’m so mad at him right now. He hasn’t called in a week, and I know he hasn’t been at work….I know he’s with another girl”.....then the phone rings and it’s him and you act as though all is well. Your best friend listens to this. She knows you’re neurotic, paranoid, insecure, full of fear, and she loves you anyway. You always talk about her saying, “Thank God for this friend…she loves me no matter what!”. Now, wouldn’t it be awesome if you could say that about your boyfriend, husband, girlfriend, wife, mother, brother, sister…? Think of how wonderful it would be to just be your crazy self in front of the person you love the most? OMG….it’s heaven.

Starting today try to be as authentic as you can be. Stop pretending. If you’ve been pretending just to keep peace, or out of fear you may lose someone, you can turn it around by being authentic now, take responsibility for the fibs you’ve told about yourself. Forgive yourself for not being genuine. Admit to yourself you haven’t been true to yourself or others, and just shift it now. Once you do you will find you may lose some people, but you didn’t have a real relationship with them anyway because the pretend them liked the pretend you….it was a lie anyway. But what you will also find is you are now drawing into your circle authentic people and in the end it will save you a great amount of energy, time, confusion and heartache!

Blessings, Lisa

over 11 years ago
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Heavenly Sunshine (heavenlyarchangel12)

805 posts

Think those are the best of my friends those that I’ve been my worst and best with and never walk away. Very good info to tell people. :)