Facebook and Relationships

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There is no tactful way of putting this, so allow me to be blunt. Facebook is poison to relationships.

It starts when you meet someone. You add one another to Facebook. You feel a little bit insecure, perhaps you are unsure about his feelings and intentions. So instead of asking him, or allowing him to show you, you embark on a fact finding mission in his Facebook archives.

Your insecurity then grows legs and takes on a personality of its own.

He ‘liked’ another girls vacation photos! He wished his EX happy birthday! – Wait a minute – why isn’t she blocked??

He has friended two other females since he friended you! He is planning a vacation with his brother, its on Facebook and he hasn’t told YOU yet!

He told you he was away at a football game last weekend but his friend has tagged him in pictures on a beach, and there is a girl in a bikini on the SAME BEACH!!

Whilst its sometimes very hard to NOT notice these things, particularly when you have an interest in someone, the only difference between what is going on now and what would have gone on if this was happening 15 years ago, is that Facebook is here and nothing is truly private anymore. The rest of it would be THE SAME. You just wouldn’t have access to it.

It continues once your relationship is established.

His ex is all over his Facebook page, liking everything he posts, and leaving flirty comments. He doesn’t APPEAR to be doing anything to stop her! (Why hasn’t he blocked her yet?). He seems to ‘like’ more of the stuff posted on other peoples pages that he ‘likes’ the stuff you post on yours. What is he trying to tell you?

He is still adding other women! Where is he finding them all? What isn’t he telling you?

His brother tagged him in those vacation photos and the same girl is around him in nearly ALL of them! Who is she to him?

I have said this MANY times before and it needs to be said again. Relationships need COMMUNICATION. That means two people, face to face, talking openly to one another, coming from a place of love, respect and trust. It does NOT mean analysing someones Facebook page and driving yourself crazy, followed by a full blown meltdown when that insecure personality you are feeding decides that it KNOWS exactly what is going on – and its not good! Remember that we have NO CONTROL over what others post on our page. Sure we can delete it when we see it but we have to be the ones to decide if thats necessary. The only thing achieved by freaking out over what someone else wrote on your partners page is that YOU look insecure, obsessed and foolish. He is allowed to ‘like’ whatever he likes. He doesn’t need your permission and he certainly doesn’t need to worry about keeping himself in check on his OWN Facebook page, for fear of upsetting you – or anyone else. The greatest gift you can give the person you love is to allow them to be exactly who they are – not attempt to force them to be who you want them to be due to you own insecurities. If you then decide that you dont like who they are – then you have free will and you can detach.

Self fulfilling prophecy

You are already insecure which was is why you are scrutinising his Facebook Page. Insecurity, obsession and the attempts to control interactions are HUGE TURN OFFS. Focusing on everything that could go wrong in your relationship is a very good way of drawing failure into it. Put your insecurities aside and allow people to show you who they are. They will love you for it!