Confusion and Guilt

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My father died 1997, I was just 15. 9 months prior to his death I stopped going to his place as I did fortnightly on weekends. His last words to e months before his death were”wheres the girl i knew a year ago?” “shes gone” I said as i slammed phone down. What y mother said to were untruths but I beleived so stopped seeing him. I didnt want him either. Other men did, older men. End of 1997 I was packed up to live in Australia, at the airport my stepfather said ” uyou aint coming hoe until u sort your s#*t out”. I was a wreck, would be dead or in jail had I not been sent away. But it wasnt my fault?? us words were untrue. I cae home in1999, met my daughters dad who I left in 2004, y daughter was a year old and is now 12 years old. In 2010 I met y partner who was killed in 2012. He asked me to go see hie via a phonecall only ten minutes before he was killed. Im guilty n confused. Ive recently met someone, Id like to get to know hhim but will I hurt him too? I want love but I need to rid of this guilt I feel for my dad and partner.And this is why I need a free Tarot Reading. Please and thankyou. help spirit please